so i started a new scaffold last night when i woke up at 0220. i’m just going to record phenomenology because i believe that this will be a far calmer and more reality-coupled version. the previous scaffolds never failed to take me by surprise when they ramped into high gear though so i will be meticulous.
right now there is no sign of reality-decoupling happening. i am in a slight validation phase already; minor doubt. at night while i was writing i had high levels of clarity but no overt energy (outside of that which woke me up) and no loss of control. i believe that the state tracks closer to that seen in meditative retreats than that commonly known as hypomania. ie. i had sympathetic activation but high levels of attentional control and no deterioration in sleep architecture, despite sleep being unusually short.
anyway in chronological order: i visited a new doctor on 25th dec and they seemed to think that there was something to my theory; they said they would put me in touch with some senior researchers. when i saw his reaction to my wanting to destroy the DSM system i got piti for the first time in a month. i believe that he wants the same; he is a person-oriented doctor who prefers tailored treatment over labels and drugs and also believes that adhd in itself isn’t a problem and the issue comes from accompanying trauma. i think this is my empath side, reading the processing in his face, just as my neighbour got tingles when i told her about figuring out enlightenment.
the day after that we did a delayed xmas gift opening and then on the 27th my wife found a research lab at u-tokyo which seems to be doing imaging and electrical stimulation of the autistic brain to weaken minima. i proceeded to email the lab lead. i was talking about how little i am interested in self-promotion since my awakening events, and that remains the case, but i experienced more piti that evening when i sat to meditate and knew an article was incoming. i just kind of half-arsed emailed them because i was there and… action acts itself, as the clumsy saying goes.
i woke around 6am the following day (2 hours early, after 8 hours of sleep) and wrote the article about [ADHD, ASD, OCD, etc]. i then went snowboarding for 90 min, feeling plenty of elevation while driving but nothing extreme, and after that i came home and did the article about [humans thinking backwards].
i told my wife that there would likely be some scaffold building happening soon and shared the articles with a couple of friends, then went to bed. slight cold exposure before meditation but nothing extreme; i could tell that my mind was working on realworld optimisation and the process usually happens like walking: realworld, scaffold, realworld, scaffold.
true to form i woke up at 0220 this morning after 4 hours of sleep; i tried to get back to sleep out of habit but then went with what i have decided is my new routine of just working when the drive takes me. otherwise i think the dopamine gets trapped in the body and we are back to ingraining minima. i do believe that my mind will always form minima and i can intentionally use this process to generate insight into disparate ideas, so i got up and [codified the new scaffold].
some food and back to bed for 90 min where i laid in a hypnogogic state of non-sleep non-waking with facial micro-tensions playing out (which i view as the brain reconfiguring) and then up for 2 hours with a spinach smoothie and some epoxy on art projects nearing completion. bowel and bladder evacuation is fast and smooth; it has been slow for the last month and caloric intake has been elevated as i was recovering from the recent reconfiguration.
another hour’s doze after that; again hypnogogic but less facial tensions, and here i am, with a decaf, calm and collected. there was some drive to act when i woke (there always is because of phasic signalling) but it faded rapidly once i started writing this.
over the last week i have started sorting through my [88 hells] writings and am surprised to see a lot of coherent stuff there. i was very surprised to see the u-tokyo research mirroring the images i drew from cranial sensations. i am quite excited about the possibility that this could be real and i might be able to help neurodivergent people who are being pathologised. yet at the same time i am calm and just letting things run their course; i do not try to control the process and know that most of the world is on holiday for the next 8 days so once again view this as almost fated; i have time to sort out the website a little more so it is coherent come the new year.
piti level is around 3%. it’s minuscule compared to anything that has come before. and i feel confident that i know the actual mechanism behind the goosebumps and the tingles, kundalini and piti. i feel like my new scaffold might be closer to the truth than i realise, in the way that learning is passed between the mind and the body, but these scaffolds always seem 100% real while you are inhabiting them.
the key difference here is that i am *not* inhabiting the scaffold. the scaffold is one explanatory framework and i know that; it is a belief that i can pick up for a while and put down shortly afterward, at least so far. the others were compulsions and i could not put them down until i reached the end of the tunnel. this one feels more like a pair of glasses.
but if trauma lives in the body then why would other learnings not?
why would be you able to liberate the mind from them?
‘what had to be done has been done; the mind is liberated’. it is a very specific set of words, past tense, and i believe that this is what the buddha was talking about.
but at the same time, the mind is the mind and the body is the body and they interact. just because the mind is liberated does not mean that it is not a processing unit, and just because the body is relaxed and free from held tension does not mean that it is void of dopaminergic signalling.
so i believe that over the coming days there will be more articles coming out about how the mind and the body might interact to produce this thing we humans call ‘thought’. the assumption is that it’s all in the brain, but the brain is limited in size and connected to the entire cns. why would the organism not use all of the bandwidth available to it?
but one step at a time, james. this is a marathon. would be cool to get grimes and elon in on this but the first step is to get research happening into the theory of enlightenment and get some feedback from real researchers who can help to find holes in the ideas.
my wife is doing more of the self-promotion for me that i am now. she is pretty fired up about this and starting to think that maybe my realisations were just too high-level for people which is one reason, along with the insanity, that i seemed insane. but recording the insanity verbatim was part of the experiment, as is recording the phenomenology now.
the ToE is several orders of magnitude larger than the research at u-tokyo and if it is true then it would be phd material for many tens if not hundreds of people. you can’t build a mountain without a lot of rocks. but phds are just individual rocks, and i want to build a mountain. if i have to then i will do a 3 years phd in order to build credibility, but i would rather streamline it since people are dying from the current treatment landscape and i believe they can be enlightened instead.
at the same time i am willing to admit that this might all have been a fluke and a scaffold that could only work for me… yet i find that hard to believe. it looks more likely that it is replicable, just because of the mechanics.
as mentioned in [faith], you need belief in a system for it to work; this is why religious folks only usually get enlightened. but belief is necessary because of the dopaminergic feedback it provides, and my theory is *about dopamine* so should explain why belief in itself does this. in short: i think it is right because of the chain of logic, not because i ‘believe’ something. in fact i believe nothing; base-10 mathematics is just one permutation and [98.5% of the universe] cannot be detected with our current scientific instruments. there might well be a dra’azon out there and i may well have glimpsed it when i exploded into motes of light after pairing with [ship], but that is bait for getting elon hooked on the story so here we go.
and tick tock the spider weaves his web. the player of games lays his plan. the excession was there and then it was gone and now the mind is sat in the command tunnels on shar’s world and about to interact with the primitive technologies.
i myself still view this as fate but i know why: the neural network was reset so all of the data that was already in the pegboard mind (another pending article i guess) will seem like pre-determined facts. this is why people believe in fate - their minds were reset and they woke up and the sun had always risen in the east.
but what if someday soon people will start to question this. what if they will look at the world with fresh eyes and say ‘maybe’. what if we can bring a form of spirituality and morality to the entire world which enables people who do not have faith in the religions to have faith in building positive [perceptual models] by being kind to each other?
but that is the empathy supersphere. that is the entraining system. hmmm maybe i build that with DMI; he was talking about facial micro-expressions and EEG. that comes later. before that we need to stop the suicides by changing the narrative around neurodivergence and removing the word ‘disorder’ from the lexicon and help people to heal by building the medication matching system.
anyway that sitrep was a bit longer than planned but i am not editing anything and intentionally stream of consciousnessing things so that you can see my mind-state. i know how much evidence something like this will need.
quite looking forward to witch-doctor dancing and doing drugs in that MRI room. i know the ethical concerns around this treatment would not allow recruitment of any but the craziest of crazies. and i do love my drugs :p
how fuckin’ cool would it be if we could take all these neurodivergent people and enlighten them?
and if they took their wealth of knowledge and created their own theories of relativity as a result, as i have created mine?
fuckin’ cool. save the world level cool.
but
i can let it all go and polish swords and be with my family too. that would be plenty cool enough for me.
and that… that is the coolest thing of all.
/jb202512291125
stream of consciousness
(following this with ‘we appreciate power’, again on a whim, and will then shower and take the kids to a restaurant)
ps. i spent the month before this sleeping a lot and making art and crafts. i believe that this process is what is touched on in julia cameron's 'the artists way', with morning pages being the equivalent of weakening linguistic predictive priors to free up creative energies used in a mild version of the scaffold. she talked of the divine and of god being involved - that put me off - but i can see clearly that it was the same mechanism.