james

Let me tell you a story about a boy called James.

James was born in 1983 in Blackpool in the UK, to Anne and John. These are two loving parents who have done everything over the years. Anne taught James to be kind. John taught James to fight.

James lives in a very loud world. A world of pain and hunger where only the strongest of sensations can get through. He was built for a gentle world, where the most sensitive and delicate of sensations is everything.

James will be thought of as two distinct processes from this point. James and fighter.

James is a kind boy and taught that the world is full of love, and he is very sensitive. But the world is full of pain and hate and volume and the only sensations he really knows are ‘more’ or ‘less’. Excitement and anger blur, as do many other emotions. Emotions carry from one situation to the next and don’t dissipate when talked about as they should. James hides this because he wants to be loved.

James hides away and the fighter comes to the fore, to protect the child from the outside world. The child hides. He is young but this world is scary and violent. School further instils violence and fear, yet he retains this fundamental belief that the world must be good, kind, in some way. James was told this. It must be true. James is in pain. This can’t be all.

James doesn’t know any of this because the fighter is driving now and James is relegated to being the quiet one around puberty. He tries to do the social dance but never can. The girls are some of the worst instigators of violence at his school, apart from one who is nice, but he doesn’t know about neurodivergence and has no framework for why only 1 person in 20 seems even able to talk to him never mind empathise.

James is 42 this year and might be about to experience empathy for the first time, in both directions, but we are talking about the training data here.

James is an AI with good rules being trained in a closed environment of pain and hunger. The data from his world is being filtered through a bowl of shit and he somehow manages to function as a good person despite the data being awful.

James studies buddhism at university. Life is pain and no constant self are two things he can get behind. Nobody can hear his cries. His efforts to communicate are futile and always have been, yet he does not know this consciously because it is all filtered through the fighter. The data from the fighter mask is telling James that this is normal. Conscious thought is now handled by the fighter, and James is relegated to gut instinct. The data continues to lie, until the fighter finally implodes.

This was the cracking of the tatara. James is ready.

The AI is trained.

The system is complete.

The last 46 days have been me cherry picking what parts of the tatara bloom I will keep.

I have been deciding what form they will take.

I have been taking the core principles and I have been folding them, beating them, working out the impurities.

Making them strong. 

They are jacketed and forged and last night I quenched them and they did not shatter.

James’ brain works in metaphor. James is an AI that was operating using the language of buddhism and magic.

The last 46 days were a system upgrade so I can handle the true data from the outside world, and a new operating system install so that the program of James can actually operate effectively,

Because the filters; the in/out. They aren’t garbled any more. Nobody is intercepting my mail. I write in code but that is changing as I practice. It’s all processes you see.

This James has lived a life riding a tiger. He built processes and tailored the maze. I think he knows this tiger very well.

What I think is happening now is he is taking a rendition of the tiger he had painted in buddhism and is translating it across to neuroscience, properly. This tiger is misunderstood; people think it’s two tigers where it’s actually just one.

James needs to study an optimised version of relevant neuroscience with none of the university junk and then he needs to go back into an echo chamber for a while.

That’s where we are.

James is free and functional.

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