[residual alteredstate]
Churn memory, or cmem, is what the buddha called volitional formations or karma but is so badly misunderstood that it needed a new term.
Cmem is the filter through which you interact with the world, both external and internal. It is your ‘mask’ but it is also your ‘glasses’. It is the proverbial wall which protects you from the outside, but also serves as a box within which you are constrained.
Cmem is largely out of our control; we see something and we absorb it. The way we can control it is through releasing cmem, losing our karma through a repetitive action like rocking, or through meditation, or possibly types of psychedelic medications.
When you have low cmem allocation you feel calm, easy, open, relaxed. When it gets full, you feel trapped, jittery, anxious, uneasy.
If you feed good things into your cmem then your self and your world will progressively improve.
Remember that all internal mental obejcts (memories, emotions, constructs) are also filtered through cmem, so it literally shapes how you view the world, forward and back through time.
Cmem is a societal thing and it’s where memes exist; where culture exists. Art is another great way to offload your cmem, as is freeform journalling. Running or cycling work, because they fall into the repetitive action category, so long as you’re not filling them with chat. You’re either inputting or exporting; you can’t do both at the same time.
When cmem get too full your world will start to crumble. It often happens around midlife, especially if someone has flitted around a lot like I have. 5 years here, 3 years there, getting quite good at a lot of things; that will fill your cmem.
In this case you want to - yes - stop and warp the cmem out into a weave so you can optimise the rules and get them back in there in a better format. This happens naturally when we can sleep; even things like breathing and regular time cell signalling play into this, which is why I think neurodivergent types can have a harder time; maybe they don’t ‘bleed’ emotions away as easily because of dodgy time signalling.
Anyway you really don’t want to have high dvar when your cmem overloads. This is when you kill yourself, or maybe fight through like I did. It’s totally avoidable if you just remember to self-regulate with a repetitive motion.
It’s warping and weaving. That’s what I call it. I warp the thread out of the brain and then I weave it into a more optimised code, and stick it back into the churn. This brings great relief.
Next time you find things getting too much, excuse yourself and go to your room and just rock back and forth or jiggle your leg or your whole body. The more you give yourself to it, the more effective it is.
It might feel strange at first, but this will literally save your life in times of difficulty, so you want to build the skills now. And the process of building familiarity with your own personal regulation systems will in itself relieve a lot of the tension you are carrying.
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