becoming


It’s amazing, you know. Watching these kids grow. 


We start out as a blank slate. Nothing but hunger and pain. I’m not sure that ever changes really; we just put constructs on top.


Let’s work on the assumption that life is hunger and pain. That seems to be what the babies are telling us? And joy, and wonder, of course, but those things get managed away along with the pain. A drink will kill your pain but take the joy with it.


So here we are in pain and hungry and we need the food from the mother and we get it how; by screaming. Expression of pain is rewarded.


But if you express it too rawly, like a baby, you will hurt the people around you. We develop rules of behaviour to limit this harm. Suppression of pain is rewarded.


This very much feels like adhd expressing pain; the endocrine system being in charge as a baby. As we get older our neurones grow more and we develop self-control. This is where I think my version of asd came into play, since I think it’s just a compensatory measure for the adhd.


So when we are babies and children we are encouraged to express emotion and play and be creative and have adhd. And then as we grow we are taught how to behave, restrain ourselves, have good table manners, be more asd.


Is one right and the other wrong? I think not, but I think that the extra oomph the endocrine system has in those early days is what makes us all have unique personalities. There is randomness built into the system:

Randomness is higher in endocrine so it yanks around the neurones into a weird shape and the personality is formed.


This interplay between pain+hunger and restraint+suppression has defined my life. With the above perspective, it might define everyone’s life. Just the volume is a little high in some of us.


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