objects

Mental objects are just the same as physical objects in buddhism, and in the way the brain interacts with them I think this is correct.

A lot of the noise and anguish came from internal signals. Externally I am hypersensitive to sounds, a little to light, but internally, what?

Monotropic thought processes of a negative sort. That’s what. Replaying conversations hundreds of times trying to find the thing you said wrong. Many and varies apocalypse scenarios, with no frame of reference for why your thoughts are so extreme.

The PTSD recently was tough and is only now abating. This was a prime example of a mental object festering, and I understand that the suicidal images were not ideation now; they were flashbacks, but changed by my brain.

My brain took the ptsd and just extracted the idea ‘suicide’ then played with that for 6 months in the background. Like clockwork the ptsd rolls around and up come intense visuals of me killing myself while I’m sat working on art. Pre-treatment, mid-implosion, waves of adrenaline and flashes of suicide, really not wanting to kill yourself. Very confusing.

My brain took the idea suicide and mutated it. It did the generative AI thing on it and then got stuck in a looped thought of ‘I don’t want to kill myself’ - ‘ideation?’

Then monotropic thinking comes into play and you start seeing this as preordained. You are autistic and see patterns and fate everywhere, but you don’t know. You are undiagnosed. All you know is that these things you’ve seen before have come to be, and you don’t want this one to.

These objects have been seriously alleviated by aripiprazole. The external things are what I noticed first - noise and light and just everything feeling safer. But the internal world is probably where the real impact is made. 

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