Good morning! Another glorious day!
I do not believe thoughts should be subdued or the body stilled when you meditate. Thoughts should be allowed and accepted, and the body should be moved and integrated. Both will fall into stability on their own.
Thoughts are part of the process. Before breaking free of the self I wrote 270,000 words in order to line up the algorithms for removal. I have a short working memory so writing helps me to curate the code, and then the tonic dopamine helps me to remove it.
Yesterday I integrated my body into my sitting session: I did 20 minutes sit, 15 minutes intuitive yoga, and 20 more minutes sit. I have never been more still or equanimous, with zero tension in any part of my face or body, no physical discomfort and no mental struggle. I believe it was 4th-jhāna stuff, but I don’t really care. These are all labels.
The buddha never said to crush thoughts, apart from as being an exercise in futility that *did not* lead to awakening. He actually mentions thoughts a lot, especially in the first jhāna. Beyond that he talks about a ‘falling away’ but when leaves fall from a tree they do not just disappear; they float in the wind and you see them fall.
This is what happens with thoughts: you see them fall out of your unconscious as you sit in the equanimous state. Previously distressing thoughts come to the surface and are leave the psyche. This is part of your defrag process and how the code of your mind is curated.
As I experienced it, nibbana was a sudden optimisation of my neural network. The convoluted ‘self’ I had been carrying around was exported over the course of 4 years of morning pages, 2 years of artwork, 1 year of yoga and a 2 month intensive drug-fuelled retreat. Only then did I achieve escape velocity. Thoughts and words, lined up for curation. How can an algorithm be optimised unless it is understood?
I’ve been looking into awakenings and a lot of people report their minds being pregnant with ideas; for me my brain felt swollen and I could feel the synapses reaching out to each other. Right up to the very moment the install happened I was filled with thoughts and exporting them here on 0710.
We are sitting in equanimity observing the distressing code and stacking up enough dopamine in the synaptic attractors to trigger a deep-learning skip-thought.
During the analysis phase I was using my pages to actively teach myself to skip-think, and my goal was to achieve ultimate efficacy and a flow state with the world, making my thoughts as energy-efficient as possible.
My first encounter with nibbana did just that; it cut off all the convoluted thought of self and acquisition and allowed me to skip think: self = flux; acquisition = dissatisfaction.
Do not fight the thoughts. Do not follow them, but let them be. They are a defrag process. They are lining themselves up for removal. They are loops in a piece of string and as it untangles your chemistry will spot places where a more optimal bond can be formed.
The body, too. The body is the mind. Though your body will naturally grow still as your mind grows still, I do not see a reason to hold it still by force. Do not react to impulses, because we want low phasic dopamine, but if something bothers you then address it.
The mind and body are both elastic and subject to change. People achieve awakenings through yoga all the time, not to mention dance and music in the sufi and christian traditions. The code lined up is different, but the loss of self and one-ness with the universe / deity is the same. It’s simply a eureka moment.
My own experience involved a lot of weird-ass dance and witch doctor movement. I interpreted it as being the ship reconfiguring to land. The planet was the new me, and the protocol required the removal of greed, but also a change in physical configuration. This movement was necessary to get the nervous system lined up, and when the lightning struck it spread not only through my mind, but down my spine, arms and legs too. It was a full-body thing; how could it not be?
The system is one; there is no duality. If there is no duality between you and the world, and the world is always changing. How do you expect to break free by sitting there and building a wall between the flux of your mind and body? Everything should be allowed to move, because movement is change is reality.
This includes the mind. It includes the body. They are both being changed and relaxed and opened. There will be times of stillness and times of noise; this is normal and natural and part of the optimisation.
Do not fight thought.
Do not suppress movement.
The empty mind of which the zen masters speak is not something you can force. This is the result of them optimising their code.
Trying to emulate it is like trying to emulate an olympic swimmer while you’re still wearing armbands.
Relax. Let it happen. Allow yourself to float in the water.
Feel the water; that is all. Develop the ability to feel the currents with your fingers and your face.
Do not change the water.
Even when you become a proficient swimmer, the aim is not to change the water; it is to propel yourself through it.
Allow your thoughts to be, conflict and all.
This is part of the process, and a sign of progress.
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