Good morning!
So I think I finished the path without ever needing a full jhāna. I used what is called ‘access concentration’ and various other methods of cultivating thought and dopaminergic environment to shortcut to the finish. Now I think I will go back and work on the substrates that support this liberated mind.
We all have different biochemical makeups and mine is one of volatility and intensity. I focus hard and fast, but I also switch objects of focus readily and easily. I believe this predisposed me to an intense and optimised insight process but disinclined me toward steady focus like you see in the jhāna.
My mind is like a processing unit while the dopaminergic formations are the programs and the dopaminergic makeup (adhd) is the hardware. The processing unit is now free to choose which programs it will run - it is liberated - but the programs are still there and try to exert themselves occasionally.
The mind-processor does not seem to rely on the dopaminergic hardware as much as it used to; it is still tugged by the waves and currents but it does not respond. It can, however, see that life is easier when the waves are smaller, so that is what I will focus on cultivating now.
Before this started, all of these strata were linked and tossing each other around. The dopamine would hit the mind would activate a formation would hit the dopamine and around we went. Now that is not the case, and I have more control over the dopaminergic waves than I’ve ever known.
That said, the old conditioning is trying. It is coming up blank, but it is trying, and this bhikku is loving destroying the taints still. Cannabis went the way of the dodo a few days back, and now we are onto an even bigger bird - productivity.
I started working on www.nibbana-protocol.com the other day; it should be good when finished. But my drive knows no bounds. I finish things. I do them hard, I do them fast, I give them my all. I become the project and the project becomes me and then when it is done I turn around and realise I lost my self.
Now… I guess I’ve lost my ‘self’ properly but in a way I’ve also gained a real self for the first time in my life. A modality of existence (which I will not call an identity) which does not rely on some external or internal act or compulsion.
So I started the website and I worked for maybe 3 hours happily then went to bed. My dream was of a swimming race adjudicated by a fish. The fish started the 10-lap race and by 1/4 of the first lap I was miles ahead of the pack, already having won. Then I was disqualified by the fish. I went to complain and the fish had become nothing more than two boneless fillets. I wound up protesting to the audience and then woke up.
This is obviously about the r/streamentry forum deleting my post because they didn’t like the fact I claimed to have finished the path in under 5 months. And that day (yesterday) I found the dopaminergic makeup was trying to drive me to work on the website - to get it done as I would have in the past. I was aloof and observing and non-reactive, but a smooth ocean is more pleasant sailing than a rough one, so I was a little… perturbed? confused? interested? by what was happening.
I decided to go for a walk and clean the windows, then take my kid swimming instead. By the evening I had no ‘tug’ to produce so spent 1 hour working on the site before getting in the bath. I think this is just another layer of conditioning working its way out: the need to complete things asap and get on to the next.
So as a plan, I am only going to spend 1 hour at a time on the website, and I am going to prioritise other daily tasks like cleaning these windows more so I can see the gorgeous forest, doing the laundry, cooking for my family, and working on developing real jhānic concentration.
I sat to do the jhāna last night and it was surprisingly easy. Because the processor is no longer tied to the programs and hardware I can guide my attention to focus on the breath with far more ease than before. The difference is black and white, but at the same time I realise that I never developed these jhāna. I just ‘dry-insight’ed the whole thing. I can see the flickering nature of consciousness but I never bothered with trying to lock it on to the same object for 30-60 minutes.
It’s like I finished my first ironman. I am an ironman. That’s undeniable. But not all ironmen are equal. There’s still plenty of work you can to do improve your swim or your run or your transitions (bike is my strong point, I’ll have you know).
So now I go back to the cutting board and I see what ingredients can be optimised. The race itself is almost all mental. You need a solid base of fitness, sure, but you don’t need to be world-class to finish. You just need grit.
Now I’ll try to become world class.
The way I do this is by focusing on developing the jhāna and eventually nirodha samapatti. The jhānic states will benefit me in two ways. They will help to build focus on a single object and ingrain the lesson that energy and stability can coexist. And they will help to further settle this (significantly less) tumultuous dopaminergic environment so I can keep the buddhahead on at all times.
I will also keep cycling and improving my diet. The last month was very much recovery mode after yet another A-race. I am still sleeping a lot, but I am now back on the bike 5-6x per week. My diet was relaxed too - that level of neuroplasticity and endocrinological adaptation requires food and sugar. The mind runs on sugar. Anyone who thinks rice is better that ice cream should do some research into how the stomach immediately breaks all carbs down into simple sugars but hey ho - they’re not my audience. Different strokes for different folks.
But now it’s about optimisation once again.
You can cross the finish line of an ironman collapsing with exhaustion and holding your protruding belly at the end of your tether and you will still be an ironman. Or you can finish on the podium and walk around chatting for 4 hours before going for an easy training run the day after to flush out your slight-tired legs.
I’m gonna aim for the latter.
And the way I do that?
I clean these windows.
I sit and focus on the breath.
I go for a walk.
And maybe I do a little writing, but only when I’m not compelled.
Peace.
/jb202511060856