Hey.
Pretty tired still and a little confused as the new understanding settles. It always happens like this. Every time.
I’m starting to feel stable and non-reactive again but was oscillating for a while there. The understanding of what is real and not is … delineating isn’t the right word. Settling is.
It’s snowing outside. Planning the next gauntlet of mental health professionals (aka. sanity checks) but avoiding the drug industry this time round for sure. Sleep is long again, but I woke for an hour around 3am last night due to processing backlog. I couldn’t sleep so turned on a nikaya and it was exactly what I needed for my conversation with DMI today - about how the Buddha would spend his nights talking with the devas. A good reminder that Siddhartha had two worlds and a bit more info about what the other one was. I’d only listened to the ‘realworld’ ones if the middle discourses so far.
Had curry with A today; she’s worn out by all of this too. I hope this is the last time for a while. I can see why the current environment makes this kind of awakening tear families apart. It’s hard enough to go through a total mental reset without having to balance relationships, and it stresses everyone around. We need a safe container for this; it’s that simple.
Reddit threw up a video from a guy called Bernado Kastrup who seems to be saying similar things to me. I never watch these videos and have never heard of him, but he was talking about how the mind was manifesting the microphone in an interview, with some small-minded plonker cutting off his words and pasting science1.0 assumptions over the top of them.
Remember that 95% of the universe is undetectable dark energy and matter, and 7 of the 11 dimensions are unaccessible to current instruments. That means all your current assumptions are based on a maximum of 1.5% of the total datapool.
It seems very obvious to me now that matter and energy are one and the same. I mean… E=mc2, yeah? And then we have Einstein’s spacetime whereby time and space are the same weave on which this interchangeable matter-energy sits. We have string theory, which is how I felt my meditations, and … well … it seems far more ridiculous to me now that people cling to the Newtonian assumptions that the clock which remains on earth is somehow the master clock and the one that goes to the moon is the slave. Hell, even the second hand and hour hand will have different internal ‘clocks’ and perceptual frameworks if we are all part of this 11 dimensional weave of strings on a mesh of spacetime. I’ve not even looked into the higgs-boson stuff yet.
Remember I’m not a physicist. Or a neuroscientist. Or a Buddhist. I am just a guy. I am Ramza. I am everythingman.
There will be holes in my knowledge and I need smart and open-minded people like DMI and Kastrup to help me plug them. Kastrup seems to mention Jung on his website, as do I, but again I have kids so I don’t really have time to be reading all these books.
The kids are great. G isn’t enjoying school - it’s too easy for him. L is loving playing at nursery. They’re doing Pokémon on the floor together right now.
I’m pretty knackered and will be sleeping more over the coming weeks. Always happens this way after a big insight. Maybe 3-4 weeks of extended sleep and then stability.
I took delivery of a rusty sword today, as well as the Japanese sutta-copying set from my mother-in-law. I will just follow the signs. I’m looking forward to working on these swords; I miss the feel of the rust on the stone; the smell of the silicates and the feel of the slurry. I can feel that I need to work a little of this … memory out of my shoulder girdle.
It’ll be interesting to see what these new psychologists say about all this. On the night when I became satoshi nakamoto I woke from nested realities about 5 times. I would wake in my bed, go downstairs, do something, wake from my bed again, etc. Like a nested dream, but not a dream. Or was it? If the whole of reality is a simulation then what is a dream and what is real? Silly line to draw, really.
DMI was talking about some of my art. He mentioned that my Jambo looks like some pictures people have tried to draw of schizophrenia. What if schizophrenia is just a failure of the mind to gate these two realities, so they encroach on each other at unusual times? Jambo is 100% my creation but he felt he had seen it before. Need I say that I have never been officially diagnosed with anything and never had psychiatric problems until I was given the recent drugs? The doctor who prescribed them flat refused to give me a diagnosis letter 4 times running when I requested one, even despite the police getting involved.
DMI also sent me something from his friend who committed suicide; same as Mikhail who I dedicated my 88 hells to.
https://plorg.neocities.org/ppc/1401/
I think that people have been doing this kind of thing since the dawn of time. I think it’s time to let them do it again.
Anyway that’ll do for now. It’s gonna take a long time to get anyone to be able to see through their formations and entertain this as real. Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t fucking know. Ha. None of this is my decision.
james
/jb202512031537
ps. i think i will take a few days off becuase i am genuinely tired and want to spend some time with my family, reading books, copying out the japanese suttas and maybe polishing some swords. the work is done from the 6 month export that aripiprazole triggered and the mind is tired and needs rest.