mybipolardiagnosis

I was initially misdiagnosed bipolar disorder in Jan 2025. I was thought to be in a mixed episode, mostly because I talked fast and felt shit, and was given valproate. 

I bought into the bipolar narrative wholeheartedly and the valproate took the edge off, just like a beer would have (they both work on the GABA system and destroy neuroplasticity) but then it held me depressed for 6 months.

I was later diagnosed adhd given guanfacine which softened the depression a little and later diagnosed asd and given aripirazole to perk me up and take the edge off sensory issues. This kicked my delayed insight cycle into high gear and I nearly went psychotic.

Over my life I have been a very motivated guy - always pushing and always striving. I have always talked fast.

In the winters I would burn out and feel like I was depressed, but I never fit the stereotype for depression: I would be active and unable to sleep, because of adhd. 

This was what they call ‘audhd burnout’, but it wasn't that simple.

What was happening was a delayed lowering of dopamine after my racing season and training was over. It takes about a month of no real exercise for your system to adapt and go into ‘shittymode’. I would pull myself out of this with snowshoeing and then training again the next year.

When I am exercising (regulating) I am ok. When I am not, I am not. It’s that simple. 

For me what presented as a ‘mixed episode’ was a dark night, and what presents as 'hypomania' is A&P or awakening. I retain control, but because of short memory and general drive to communicate it can manifest as pressured speech, or pressured writing, as you can see in the 88 hells.

/jb202509280710