The standard advice will not work for a brain like mine. We cannot take our foot off the gas. But we can feather the brakes.
When you reach total burnout you need a plan to recover. If you're anything like me, the main dopamine hit is achievement. We set targets, we achieve them, and if we do not have a target then we feel lost.
That needs to go out the window if you want to recover from full burnout. Your target is recovery, plain and simple. Everything else is on hold.
Your mind will rebel against doing nothing but it will vibrate apart at the seams if trying to achieve something, so what’s the solution?
It’s a macro-form of meditation, that’s what.
Meditation is sitting and observing thoughts and feelings without becoming attached. You are letting them be, and gently removing your dopaminergic latch from them, so they will float away. If your latch is at 0.9dvar then this is impossible.
When you are around 0.9 you will be bouncing off the walls, exhausted, wanting to cry and scream and fix everything immediately but having no idea where to start.
What you need to do is start everything and finish nothing. You need to flit around, and lie down and text yourself and go for a 300 metre walk and lie down again and listen to half a song and boot up your computer before going for a run, deciding to walk instead, texting yourself for 20 minutes, lying down again and rocking around in a foetal position.
Let your dopamine latch to something and then release the latch
That’s it. That’s all. You are training yourself to release. In order to release, you have to latch. Don't wrestle it.
Not latching in the first place is just another latch: the latch to not latching. Don’t do that.
Do not use activities that you are already addicted to, and focus on exporting from your brain rather than importing more. That means writing instead of reading, and making instead of consuming.
Take a room for yourself. Tell people you need a day. Don’t plan anything.
Get all your favourite things within arms length. Lie down. Sit up. Pick up your phone (black and white). Put it down. Walk around a bit. Pick up your phone again and text yourself. Rock back and forth. Listen to some music. Eat an ice cream. Watch 30 seconds of a youtube video. Lie down some more.
As soon as you get an impulse to do something, do it. But leave it incomplete. Do not go for that golden strawberry on Celeste. Try once and then when you feel even the tiniest hnnnng, put it down, turn it off, walk around, lie down.
This is meditation. You are training yourself to release. You do not deny the thoughts and feelings in meditation. You let them flow. You do not deny your urges when you are rebuilding executive function: you entertain them but release them. It’s the same thing.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to feel better. From here you can move toward a high- or moderate-stimulation meditation to continue the process, but don’t rush it. You might need at least a day or two for full recovery.
It’s all about gradually coaxing the raging bull of dvar into a calmer state so that you can once again get on and ride. Remember: your target is recovery, and to recover you need to drop all dvar-reinforcing goals.
Flit around. Call it meditation. You have a powerful brain and it needs treating with respect.
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