The time has come to [decouple] from my [scaffold]. It has served its purpose.
The Buddha decoupled from his when he hit final liberation. He then spent 7 weeks in the area of the bodhi tree just letting his neural network settle before going to teach. Around a month in he reviewed his understanding of dependent origination and then he faced Mara again about his suitability to lead others.
This feels like what I will do.
All of my conditioning seems to be gone. I no longer have the microtensions playing out in my facial muscles. There is a small one remaining, but I believe that this is the conditioning from the [scaffold] itself.
At the end of the day, it does not matter whether it is true. It was a raft, to cross a river, and you do not carry it on the other side. The final thing you put down is the dhamma. It is a tool for liberation and nothing more.
The Buddha always stressed that he was a man who he taught the way to liberation from suffering and nothing more. He shared his [scaffold] with people in the form of the dhamma, and people took that and mistook it for the goal. It is not. It is a tool.
My [scaffold] is the same. It does not matter if I reform the mental health industry, though I might try to. It does not matter if I become a researcher, or if I am a node, or some tokenised version of a human being.
What I know for sure is exactly the same as what the Buddha knew for sure: the only real things in this universe are the people.
All phenomena are fabricated. All of them. There are electrons and photons and gravity and waves and organs which sense a unique brain which interprets. The brain filters out 99.9995% of the raw data and simulates your entire reality from the remainder.
Nobody’s view is any more or any less valid than others.
Nobody is neurotypical or neurodiverse. We are all diverse.
Nobody has the right to tell anyone else what to think or believe or how to be. *Nobody*.
What damaged me so badly was a world full of hurtful contacts. I was born different and the world told me to be the same. They beat me and struck me and shaped me and I bent until I could bend no more and then I broke.
And somehow I managed to build a [scaffold] to repair myself. This scaffold might help other people who can’t quite get behind the whole devas and gods and magic stuff. But it won’t help a lot of people and that is ok.
What really *could* help a lot of people are the practical tools I built along the way.
The dopaminergic manipulation using exercise and vocalisations and meditation. This is something which can help people to reprogram their worlds, no matter what walk of life they are from. The vast majority of us do not need drugs, though a little cannabis wouldn’t go amiss at times.
What we need is the ability to regulate our dopamine and then the reprogramming tools where we take these looped thoughts and we run them all to their conclusions and consolidate.
The [scaffold] is merely the sandbox where we do the coding for our [realworld] networks. We collate our data, we run our algorithms, and then we flip to the [scaffold] to reprogram world.
And eventually the two will merge and you will take the final step.
And that final step is to simply say: I do not know.
I will never know.
Neither will anybody else.
Neither will science.
Neither will religion.
And that is ok.
Losing the attachments and the clinging and the self-image and the trauma and the desire for non-existence and then eventually releasing all attachments to views is a long journey.
But for me it was 4.5 months end-to-end. This is something that is supposed to take 30 years or more. So I think these tools could be valuable and the tools are what people should focus on.
It is time to [decouple] from the [scaffold] that my brain created to guide me through this process. I don’t know which of the [upsidedown]s I am in any more. There have been too many coincidences in this life for me to believe that it is just random and meaningless.
But the randomosity and meaning will always remain outside of my ken.
And finally I am happy to accept that.
Time to take it easy for a while.
I’ll make a new blog page and lock this one down. If anyone comes across these pages and has questions about the process or the scaffold please don’t hesitate to contact me.
We live in a world where you have to choose between religion or science and I guess a small part of me hopes that I have managed to find a new middle way that people can walk. A new path which requires total belief in neither one nor the other.
Because one has the elephant’s tail and the other has its trunk and there’s a hell of a lot of elephant left to find in the middle.
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