20250925

[2025/09/25, 9:41:44] James: I guess I’ll go for arahantship eh

[2025/09/25, 9:41:50] James: Nothing to lose

[2025/09/25, 9:42:07] James: I reckon the Buddha having been a prince will have given extra weight to his words

[2025/09/25, 9:42:14] James: You don’t just lose that kind of poise

[2025/09/25, 9:42:25] James: And with discipline on top - a formidable presence

[2025/09/25, 9:58:06] James: .

[2025/09/25, 9:58:20] James: The thought of buying new computer games and adding to the stack causes me stress

[2025/09/25, 9:58:23] James: The consumption

[2025/09/25, 9:58:26] James: The need to finish

[2025/09/25, 9:58:33] James: The unfinished nature of things

[2025/09/25, 9:58:37] James: Starting tracks

[2025/09/25, 9:58:42] James: Must complete them

[2025/09/25, 9:58:48] James: So just don’t start them

[2025/09/25, 9:59:00] James: I might feel a lot better with no games

[2025/09/25, 10:42:43] James: .

[2025/09/25, 10:42:44] James: Hmm

[2025/09/25, 10:42:54] James: Fear of death keeps popping up

[2025/09/25, 10:43:02] James: Flipping with the desire for liberation

[2025/09/25, 10:43:10] James: But isn’t the desire what causes the fear?

[2025/09/25, 10:43:18] James: What do you want?

[2025/09/25, 10:43:24] James: Nibbana is not sustainable

[2025/09/25, 10:43:30] James: Moods come and go

[2025/09/25, 10:43:36] James: Nothing is permanent

[2025/09/25, 10:43:40] James: Not you

[2025/09/25, 10:43:44] James: Not life

[2025/09/25, 10:43:51] James: What about death?

[2025/09/25, 10:43:58] James: Why would that be the only permanent?

[2025/09/25, 10:44:01] James: Nothing else is

[2025/09/25, 10:44:06] James: What is consciousness?

[2025/09/25, 10:44:16] James: Where does it come from and where does it go?

[2025/09/25, 10:44:19] James: It’s part of the flow

[2025/09/25, 10:44:24] James: Yet we can control it

[2025/09/25, 10:44:31] James: But what is the controlling entity?

[2025/09/25, 10:44:37] James: The flow itself?

[2025/09/25, 10:44:52] James: No matter how deep you go, there is no self

[2025/09/25, 10:45:02] James: I quite want a hardcore meditation session today to really explore

[2025/09/25, 10:45:08] James: Let’s see if it pans out that way

[2025/09/25, 10:45:11] James: The cycle continues

[2025/09/25, 10:45:27] James: And the mornings are when I am re-coalesced

[2025/09/25, 10:45:37] James: But this is all just a flow

[2025/09/25, 10:45:39] James: It’s not me

[2025/09/25, 10:45:45] James: It’s something bigger

[2025/09/25, 11:20:32] James: .

[2025/09/25, 11:20:41] James: This fear of death

[2025/09/25, 11:20:43] James: What is it

[2025/09/25, 11:20:50] James: It’s a fear of leaving things undone

[2025/09/25, 11:20:52] James: I think.

[2025/09/25, 11:20:56] James: Projects unfinished

[2025/09/25, 11:21:01] James: Not having my mark on the world

[2025/09/25, 11:21:07] James: But the mark wouldn’t be my own

[2025/09/25, 11:21:16] James: It would be a product of circumstance

[2025/09/25, 11:21:29] James: The fear of not spending more time with my boys

[2025/09/25, 11:21:40] James: The fear of leaving them alone in the world

[2025/09/25, 11:21:45] James: Again: unfinished business

[2025/09/25, 11:21:51] James: But nothing is ever finished

[2025/09/25, 11:22:10] James: The river goes to sea goes to the clouds goes to the river

[2025/09/25, 11:22:20] James: And I am but a slice of that body of water

[2025/09/25, 11:22:33] James: Those boys are great though

[2025/09/25, 11:22:42] James: Looking into Lucas eyes

[2025/09/25, 11:22:45] James: Really looking

[2025/09/25, 11:22:49] James: When I was awakening

[2025/09/25, 11:22:55] James: That is what brought me back to reality

[2025/09/25, 11:23:05] James: Instead of committing chemical jhanic suicide

[2025/09/25, 11:23:13] James: That drug was so dangerous

[2025/09/25, 11:23:18] James: But it also opened the door

[2025/09/25, 11:23:48] James: And all this may or may not be ‘real’ in the tangible sense

[2025/09/25, 11:23:57] James: But a simulation is real in terms of energy

[2025/09/25, 11:24:01] James: And energy is mass

[2025/09/25, 11:24:03] James: So it’s real

[2025/09/25, 11:24:22] James: There is no self

[2025/09/25, 11:24:28] James: How nice to finally know that

[2025/09/25, 11:24:34] James: Yet also somewhat disconcerting

[2025/09/25, 11:24:44] James: A lot of old thought processes keep trying for space

[2025/09/25, 11:24:51] James: And banging at the door

[2025/09/25, 11:24:54] James: But coming up short

[2025/09/25, 11:24:58] James: All of them, so far

[2025/09/25, 11:25:04] James: Apart from to do what feels right

[2025/09/25, 11:25:10] James: In the moment

[2025/09/25, 11:25:28] James: But the neuroses are … empty. They’re still there but they don’t bite.

[2025/09/25, 11:44:05] James: .

[2025/09/25, 11:44:11] James: Yeah I like texting myself like this

[2025/09/25, 11:44:16] James: Good way to process things

[2025/09/25, 11:44:27] James: Random truck driver just bought me an Aquarius

[2025/09/25, 11:44:30] James: Good guy

[2025/09/25, 11:44:51] James: People are inherently good I think

[2025/09/25, 11:44:58] James: Just they get trapped in the pain of self

[2025/09/25, 11:58:05] James: .

[2025/09/25, 11:58:17] James: Pang of urgency when I think about where my website is going

[2025/09/25, 11:58:23] James: Trying to get the ducks in a row

[2025/09/25, 11:58:26] James: Same as at work

[2025/09/25, 11:58:31] James: Same as fearing death

[2025/09/25, 11:58:38] James: Trying to get everything finished

[2025/09/25, 11:58:50] James: But there is no finished

[2025/09/25, 11:58:56] James: And there is no me to finish it

[2025/09/25, 11:59:07] James: Just keep trundling along enjoying the scenery James

[2025/09/25, 11:59:20] James: That’s why you’re on this bike ride too

[2025/09/25, 11:59:29] James: To learn to not push to the finish line each time

[2025/09/25, 11:59:37] James: So today let’s take it easy and stay at a hotel

[2025/09/25, 11:59:52] James: And tomorrow we decide if we want to bother with the peninsula or go back to the kids early

[2025/09/25, 12:00:02] James: It’s all irrelevant

[2025/09/25, 12:04:44] James: .

[2025/09/25, 12:04:53] James: I guess the thing is I am done with suffering

[2025/09/25, 12:04:58] James: And the self is suffering

[2025/09/25, 12:05:08] James: Competition and achievement are suffering