[2025/09/26, 5:18:08] James: Dreamt I met my friends in Okinawa and decided to play with my kids in the sandbox instead of partying on the boat.
[2025/09/26, 7:13:51] James: Actually that dream might be more profound than I realised
[2025/09/26, 7:13:58] James: The total dropping of the chase
[2025/09/26, 8:52:09] James: .
[2025/09/26, 8:52:41] James: Meditation is a case of freeing up the consciousness so it can flow like water, through the act of dopaminergic regulation
[2025/09/26, 9:52:54] James: .
[2025/09/26, 9:52:58] James: Jhanaholic
[2025/09/26, 9:53:11] James: Not fair to hold people with lower tonic dopamine to the same standards as those with high
[2025/09/26, 10:11:56] James: .
[2025/09/26, 10:12:10] James: Update the howiwokeup part with how I tricked the doctor! Ha
[2025/09/26, 11:42:42] James: .
[2025/09/26, 11:42:52] James: Day 4 I always feel so stable on the bike
[2025/09/26, 11:42:56] James: Always
[2025/09/26, 11:43:02] James: Tracks closely with meditation retreats
[2025/09/26, 11:46:08] James: First 3 days are always rough
[2025/09/26, 11:46:16] James: Ups and downs and a lot to process
[2025/09/26, 11:46:21] James: It must be dopaminergic tone
[2025/09/26, 11:46:27] James: Just like at the Goenka retreat
[2025/09/26, 11:46:33] James: Those first 3 days were harsh
[2025/09/26, 11:46:43] James: And I don’t really remember the once afterward
[2025/09/26, 11:46:57] James: Until about day 7 where I felt like I was going to explode
[2025/09/26, 11:47:05] James: Cycling ftw!
[2025/09/26, 11:47:24] James: Seriously it’s therapy and meditation and regulation all in one.
[2025/09/26, 11:47:34] James: Leave your demons on the road
[2025/09/26, 13:38:09] James: .
[2025/09/26, 13:38:13] James: So eating for pleasure
[2025/09/26, 13:38:17] James: Or doing anything for pleasure
[2025/09/26, 13:38:22] James: Is D1 encoding
[2025/09/26, 13:38:28] James: It is learning a new thread of wool
[2025/09/26, 13:38:38] James: Which needs to be exported or planed away afterward
[2025/09/26, 13:38:56] James: And the elevated dvar makes you more sensitive to negative things
[2025/09/26, 13:39:03] James: Let’s train myself to skip-think again
[2025/09/26, 13:39:07] James: That’s how I broke the self
[2025/09/26, 13:39:16] James: Now let’s focus on breaking the habit to encode
[2025/09/26, 13:39:21] James: Food is great
[2025/09/26, 13:39:25] James: And eat what you prefer
[2025/09/26, 13:39:31] James: But only when your body needs food
[2025/09/26, 13:39:36] James: Do not just indulge
[2025/09/26, 13:39:43] James: Because it will make you suffer
[2025/09/26, 13:39:50] James: By changing your dopaminergic environment
[2025/09/26, 13:44:16] James: .
[2025/09/26, 13:44:20] James: What was that james
[2025/09/26, 13:44:33] James: They aren’t proper cyclists because they are wearing silly matching clothes
[2025/09/26, 13:44:37] James: How does that make you feel
[2025/09/26, 13:44:48] James: Like you’re a proper cyclist? No
[2025/09/26, 13:44:54] James: Doesn’t do anything for self image
[2025/09/26, 13:45:01] James: And they are on bikes, aren’t they
[2025/09/26, 13:45:08] James: The thought only causes you a knot in your stomach
[2025/09/26, 13:45:14] James: What - you want them to see your ink?
[2025/09/26, 13:45:19] James: See your dominance?
[2025/09/26, 13:45:27] James: But there is no holding onto those things
[2025/09/26, 13:45:30] James: They are empty
[2025/09/26, 13:45:33] James: Drop them
[2025/09/26, 13:45:46] James: The competition will always be lost
[2025/09/26, 13:45:50] James: And you will hurt
[2025/09/26, 13:46:03] James: The clinging - it’s a habit ingrained by all the cycling and triathlon training
[2025/09/26, 13:46:06] James: Trying to win
[2025/09/26, 13:46:14] James: The good stuff was before the competition
[2025/09/26, 13:46:20] James: When you did it for completion
[2025/09/26, 13:46:22] James: Like now
[2025/09/26, 13:46:31] James: They are on their path
[2025/09/26, 13:46:34] James: And you are on yours
[2025/09/26, 13:46:46] James: And yours is no longer one of Lexus and party boats
[2025/09/26, 13:46:57] James: You’re playing with the kids again
[2025/09/26, 13:47:00] James: Riding for the joy
[2025/09/26, 13:47:10] James: Nothing is in your control anyway
[2025/09/26, 13:47:14] James: They have to go their way
[2025/09/26, 13:47:17] James: As you did yours
[2025/09/26, 14:04:13] James: .
[2025/09/26, 14:04:19] James: This is all just raw data
[2025/09/26, 14:04:28] James: And it’s hitting algorithms you didn’t choose
[2025/09/26, 14:04:36] James: You were born to parents who were born to theirs
[2025/09/26, 14:04:42] James: And the play of the universe fed you data
[2025/09/26, 14:04:45] James: You learned
[2025/09/26, 14:04:52] James: And then the data of the cyclists is just raw
[2025/09/26, 14:04:57] James: Electromagnetic waves
[2025/09/26, 14:05:01] James: Other genomes
[2025/09/26, 14:05:06] James: And it hits your sense doors
[2025/09/26, 14:05:10] James: And goes into the churn
[2025/09/26, 14:05:14] James: And our pops a feeling
[2025/09/26, 14:05:18] James: And none of it was choice
[2025/09/26, 14:05:22] James: It was all just a chain
[2025/09/26, 14:05:30] James: There is no need to feel anything
[2025/09/26, 14:05:34] James: Not even about the feelings
[2025/09/26, 14:05:39] James: There is no need to remove them
[2025/09/26, 14:05:42] James: They are not you
[2025/09/26, 14:05:51] James: They are just currents in the river
[2025/09/26, 14:29:02] James: .
[2025/09/26, 14:29:14] James: Huh
[2025/09/26, 14:29:25] James: Guy just swerved into my lane to overtake
[2025/09/26, 14:29:42] James: Even yesterday I gave someone a (not particularly angry) middle finger for doing the same
[2025/09/26, 14:29:51] James: Today… nothing. It didn’t even occur to me
[2025/09/26, 14:29:58] James: That would have been instinct til now
[2025/09/26, 14:30:01] James: And it’s gone
[2025/09/26, 14:30:04] James: Madness
[2025/09/26, 14:57:53] James: .
[2025/09/26, 14:57:57] James: Scientific and selfish
[2025/09/26, 14:58:06] James: Buddhism puts your own wellbeing and recovery first
[2025/09/26, 14:58:15] James: The way it does so just happens to help others
[2025/09/26, 14:58:28] James: The world will change and nothing will satisfy
[2025/09/26, 14:58:34] James: You will age and you will die
[2025/09/26, 14:58:38] James: You will lose loved ones
[2025/09/26, 14:58:44] James: You take the code of suffering
[2025/09/26, 14:58:47] James: And you cut it off
[2025/09/26, 14:58:50] James: Ruthlessly
[2025/09/26, 14:59:02] James: And then you get those synaptic attractors you have cultivated
[2025/09/26, 14:59:07] James: And you glue the fuckers together
[2025/09/26, 14:59:13] James: And then you’re done with suffering
[2025/09/26, 14:59:21] James: But this means you can live life
[2025/09/26, 14:59:23] James: Properly
[2025/09/26, 14:59:26] James: Without baggage
[2025/09/26, 14:59:29] James: Without angst
[2025/09/26, 14:59:34] James: Selfish interest
[2025/09/26, 14:59:37] James: Fix yourself
[2025/09/26, 14:59:48] James: Accept reality on an intuitive level
[2025/09/26, 14:59:54] James: Skip-think away the pain.
[2025/09/26, 16:50:54] James: .
[2025/09/26, 16:50:55] James: Huh
[2025/09/26, 16:51:02] James: I haven’t felt any suffering today at all
[2025/09/26, 16:51:21] James: I’ve felt exertion and identified things I don’t think are great about my conditioning
[2025/09/26, 16:51:26] James: But I have felt no suffering
[2025/09/26, 16:51:34] James: This suffering thing is hard to define
[2025/09/26, 19:25:31] James: .
[2025/09/26, 19:25:40] James: So taking an action to help someone can be hard for me
[2025/09/26, 19:25:57] James: I wind up worrying if I worded something wrong or about lack of immediate response
[2025/09/26, 19:26:09] James: This is me what…
[2025/09/26, 19:26:15] James: Looking for confirmation
[2025/09/26, 19:26:20] James: That it was a help and not a harm
[2025/09/26, 19:26:26] James: But that’s also greed isn’t it
[2025/09/26, 19:26:28] James: Really
[2025/09/26, 19:26:41] James: Looking for a feeling. That warm feeling you get from charity and helping someone
[2025/09/26, 19:26:50] James: That is also conditioned and fleeting
[2025/09/26, 19:26:55] James: And it reinforces the behaviour
[2025/09/26, 19:27:03] James: Which raises your dvar
[2025/09/26, 19:27:16] James: So you wind up worrying and doing more frantic action
[2025/09/26, 19:27:25] James: Because you get cranked up
[2025/09/26, 19:27:41] James: But again it’s all just a chain
[2025/09/26, 19:28:01] James: What you said wasn’t really up to you in the same way that your hair colour isn’t up to you
[2025/09/26, 19:28:11] James: It’s based on the input from your life and how it was encoded
[2025/09/26, 19:28:24] James: And how they will take it is even more variable
[2025/09/26, 19:28:31] James: As recruitment taught you again and again
[2025/09/26, 19:28:45] James: Kamma without Kamma
[2025/09/26, 19:28:52] James: Take actions with good intent
[2025/09/26, 19:29:02] James: But the results are not your realm
[2025/09/26, 19:37:01] James: .
[2025/09/26, 19:37:06] James: Protocol for base season
[2025/09/26, 19:37:11] James: Cold exposure before sitting
[2025/09/26, 19:37:18] James: Yoga to integrate full body
[2025/09/26, 19:37:30] James: Focused sessions on jhana vs vipassana
[2025/09/26, 19:37:56] James: Still listening to and translating the suttas
[2025/09/26, 19:50:13] James: .
[2025/09/26, 19:50:25] James: Some kind of university girl festival going on here
[2025/09/26, 19:50:42] James: I’m still anxious as fuck walking past groups of hot girls
[2025/09/26, 19:50:44] James: Ha
[2025/09/26, 19:50:48] James: Biology!