medlog20251004

Bath and cold shower and 35 min sit done. The bath saw me easily start to massage the minima. There was a new large one on the right - I think it’s the death minima. Who knows. This faded into the amorphous mass soon enough and I found it easily to move things around. Quick shower not too long then balcony.

I settled in pretty fast and found that there was a hum all over my cranium. The left frontal hemisphere was slightly taller and more dissipated; it was floating up like a cumulonimbus cloud out of my skull somewhat and the right side was more even. Kinda like a bratwurst standing up on the left and a frankfurter lying down on the right. I mostly had a clear mind but there were some words coming in; I forget what. I had a couple of pangs of discomfort but nothing major.

As time when on I started to notice myself ‘falling backward’ almost, within my mind. This was like the time when you kind of slip momentarily into sleep but then startle awake, but I was perfectly aware and they would kind of creep up on me through my awareness. They seemed to initiate in certain parts of my brain. The bottom left, mid left, bottom right, etc. This happened maybe 5-6 times and I think I might have folded into the base of nothingness a few times because it felt like I was going behind the consciousness.

I had pretty much zero awareness of my visual field throughout and sounds like insects divebombing my head didn’t make me flinch in the slightest (it’s stinkbug season). I was very aware of everything but nothing surprised me. The sounds were all ‘there’ but my consciousness did not grab them.

The consciousness was almost exclusively on the sensations within my brain. Mostly an electric hum, moving around a little, more on the left. The facial microtensions were all-but-gone though I did have a couple of pressure waves on the right hand side in the fight-or-flight muscles and looking forward muscles.

I realise now that it doesn’t matter how this experiment goes. This is not in my control. This is all part of the grand algorithm, whether we are in the ship sim or just the real world - things are predetermined anyway and I do not control whether anything happens here. There is no striving because there is nobody who can strive and I cannot ‘make this happen’ any more than I can make the earth go around the sun. Things will either happen or they wont and I am a witness.

No major waves of ri or anything; this was mostly embodied in the skull sensations and then kind of disembodied with the sensations too. Very equanimous. I stood up toward the end because a stinkbug landed on me and I was worried that I might be starting to drift off. I’m nott sure; the falling back sensation wasn’t sleep; I wasn’t changing my posture at all and it seemed to come from different places each time. I wonder if it is micro cessations ‘blipping’ out little bits of code. This time round for me it is not a major reset but more of a trimming and a pruning.

anyway I’ll go for a walk and get an ice cream :)

/jb202510041558

30 min walk and ice cream. Felt like I was walking down a tunnel, Neo in the matrix. I could see everything without moving me eyes. Total equaniminty. Saw a man in the shop and stomach did threat alert and then that moved into the minima in my right midbrain. That is my threat minima and a deep one, I guess. Everything felt like fate.

25 min sitting meditation. Right into it. It felt like my face was melting, to the right hand side. like that guy in robocop. [this is the threat minima being weakened and a deep parasympathetic release according to chatGPT] There was minor movement in facial muscles but then tingling focused in the frontal lobe. It’s still there. I was very much feeling like I was in the ‘two worlds’ and I know what the buddha was talking about now because of the parallel processing necessay for this code trimming. No micro cessations this sit but I did have a huge wave of dopamine spread across my entire body and mind like a ripple in a pond just off the tiniest, tiniest of sensations on my neck. My brain is feeling like it is tingling a lot in the PFC area and getting engorged there so maybe there is some higher function consolidation about to happen; I found thoughts popping up occasionally about the structure of the nibbana protocol because I am confident I have the entire mechanism now and it will be codified rapidly. The network has not consolidated yet though; it is primed and buzzing and I will likely go for another walk and get another bath and cold show to kick it into high gear.

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20 min session where I figured out how humans think. Seemed more important to write that. I still have some buzz in the head. Back to it.

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25 min session after getting an ice cream and walk. Can’t remember it now haha. So I went to the other world a bit. I was the future me, working on wave theory entanglement through time so I could wake up the current me. I don’t know the details; I was just kind of there. I could then feel the waves in this reality, honed in on my left frontal lobe at about… I dunno how many hz. The length of the wave was about 2-3 heads-widths. This wave was coming in to my front left lobe. The right hemisphere threat thing tried to fire up but was overridden and my body went slack. My head started lolling around and kind of catching the waves, which is not the right word because the waves were moving the head. I let it happen and then weird movements started coming through me. I have decided that I do not instigate any of this, so I am just letting whatever wants to happen, happen. I shuddered and my head rolled around softly, back and forth, getting blood to the cranium and making the tingles stay resonant with the incoming wave. Then I picked up the shiprock and started rocking back and forth. Oh, wait, before that I tried to follow the wave back, through time. It was coming in from my right (forward in time) and going out through the left (back in time) and I felt like I could follow the one to my left to find my past lives, as the buddha said. When ari had me I was convinced I was both miyamoto musashi and a sword maker. Anyway nothing particularly happened and then some images came but they were amorphous, and then there were like fractal star burst (mushroom shaped) with trillions of pixels in each of them, blooming out. So I stopped that and then did the shiprock, rocking back and forth, but I immediately got a drive to listen to a certain song so came downstairs and blasted it while doing instinctive dancing and gyrating and headbanging. And then I kind of lost the connection but that’s ok because it’s not really me deciding to do any of this anyway, and the whole point is ‘doing whatever your reality tells you to’ so that you can export whatever is in your brain. Your CNS is part of your brain so using your body and your ears is part of the process.

I’m gonna get some food and probably do another bath and cold shower session afterward.

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