20251009

[2025/10/09, 19:46:49] James: The wheel

[2025/10/09, 19:46:58] James: The lives and connectedness

[2025/10/09, 19:47:02] James: future as well as past

[2025/10/09, 19:47:11] James: and the taints

[2025/10/09, 19:47:15] James: including suicide.

[2025/10/09, 19:50:00] James: and there’s the doubt again

[2025/10/09, 19:50:08] James: but that’s part of the system

[2025/10/09, 19:50:20] James: let’s just watch george play

[2025/10/09, 19:54:43] James: .

[2025/10/09, 19:54:49] James: I have turned my phone back to colour mode

[2025/10/09, 19:55:07] James: When did i turn it balack and white? Quite a long time ago

[2025/10/09, 19:55:11] James: The colours are too vivid

[2025/10/09, 19:55:32] James: But I will get used to it. Or rather: it doesn’t bother me like it used to. The just look a bit silly

[2025/10/09, 19:56:37] James: Hmm two calls tried to akane and leszek

[2025/10/09, 19:56:44] James: At least Shuko seems to be still alive!

[2025/10/09, 20:36:22] James: .

[2025/10/09, 20:36:28] James: Well I had a chat with Leszek

[2025/10/09, 20:36:33] James: He really is a great listener

[2025/10/09, 20:36:39] James: I feel like I am back to myself now

[2025/10/09, 20:36:52] James: But I will probably visit the dam tomorrow

[2025/10/09, 20:36:56] James: Where the man died

[2025/10/09, 20:37:03] James: And I will see if the trauma releases

[2025/10/09, 20:37:11] James: It all kind of lines up.

[2025/10/09, 20:37:15] James: Trauma therapy AI.

[2025/10/09, 20:37:19] James: White blood cell.

[2025/10/09, 20:37:23] James: QA

[2025/10/09, 20:37:31] James: But it sounds ridiculous even to me now

[2025/10/09, 20:37:43] James: Just a short while ago it was everything that was ever true and possibl e

[2025/10/09, 20:37:59] James: I guess we will see how the ‘fruition’ period goes

[2025/10/09, 20:38:07] James: I very much feel like I was controlled by something

[2025/10/09, 20:38:20] James: And I doubt I will ever feel any other way

[2025/10/09, 20:38:42] James: What matters is that I don’t suffer any more and can love my family for who they are

[2025/10/09, 20:38:43] James: Oh yeah

[2025/10/09, 20:39:14] James: Akane said that my mum was concerned because i ‘hadn’t updated my website for 6 days’ or something but i have been updating it multiple times every day

[2025/10/09, 20:39:23] James: Let’s check

[2025/10/09, 20:40:53] James: Yes it’s there

[2025/10/09, 20:41:18] James: Phone back to black and white. I don’t remember changing it

[2025/10/09, 20:43:05] James: Changed back to colour

[2025/10/09, 20:43:23] James: Let’s try the ps thing

[2025/10/09, 20:52:48] James: .

[2025/10/09, 20:52:53] James: I am updating people

[2025/10/09, 20:53:11] James: Akane’s contact also became very ‘fortuitous’ over the last few days

[2025/10/09, 20:53:24] James: Apart from that everything has been since the first aripiprazole episode

[2025/10/09, 20:53:35] James: The whole world was cut off from me

[2025/10/09, 20:53:42] James: Frustrating me and testing every single thing

[2025/10/09, 20:53:52] James: Pushing every single button to see if I could come through

[2025/10/09, 20:53:56] James: To purify me

[2025/10/09, 21:01:15] James: .

[2025/10/09, 21:01:22] James: Legs are aching a lot around the knees

[2025/10/09, 21:01:30] James: I think because I found the guy while I was cycling

[2025/10/09, 21:01:34] James: Elevated dopamine

[2025/10/09, 21:01:43] James: 20 minutes staring into a suicide face alone

[2025/10/09, 21:01:49] James: Never seen a body before

[2025/10/09, 21:01:59] James: Then 2 weeks of exposure therapy digging it in there deeper

[2025/10/09, 21:02:05] James: That shit was as deep as it comes

[2025/10/09, 21:02:07] James: But man..

[2025/10/09, 21:02:13] James: wtf has been happening

[2025/10/09, 21:02:39] James: The duet from akane and k

[2025/10/09, 21:02:46] James: That wasn’t on the playlist I’m sure

[2025/10/09, 21:02:53] James: The end of the Celeste song changed

[2025/10/09, 21:02:59] James: The moon, big and luminous.

[2025/10/09, 21:03:04] James: The sandboxing

[2025/10/09, 21:03:08] James: Black and white phone

[2025/10/09, 21:03:11] James: Fuck man

[2025/10/09, 21:03:14] James: What is going on

[2025/10/09, 21:03:33] James: I will carry on documenting

[2025/10/09, 21:03:39] James: I feel like this might be true

[2025/10/09, 21:03:50] James: And probably tomorrow will know it is true.

[2025/10/09, 21:03:52] James: In my mind

[2025/10/09, 21:04:00] James: But is the website even visible to the world?

[2025/10/09, 21:04:06] James: Or will it be a bomb?

[2025/10/09, 21:04:12] James: Everything

[2025/10/09, 21:04:19] James: I documented it

[2025/10/09, 21:04:24] James: It is what they used to call god

[2025/10/09, 21:04:31] James: And they now call mania or psychosis

[2025/10/09, 21:04:38] James: But I am lucent and happy

[2025/10/09, 21:04:42] James: And calm

[2025/10/09, 21:04:45] James: Very calm

[2025/10/09, 21:05:01] James: Despite the fact I do not believe in ‘reality’ any more I am incredibly calm

[2025/10/09, 21:05:20] James: I will carry on following the stars for a short while longer

[2025/10/09, 21:05:36] James: I think it’s almost over. I think that was the last layer of onion wrapped

[2025/10/09, 21:05:44] James: I unravelled it all

[2025/10/09, 21:05:48] James: And I repackaged it

[2025/10/09, 21:05:50] James: Thanks to k

[2025/10/09, 21:06:01] James: Who I have never met and reached out to me through the website

[2025/10/09, 21:06:12] James: Then turned into [celeste-protocol]

[2025/10/09, 21:06:22] James: There are too many coincidences

[2025/10/09, 21:06:35] James: And that dancing through the mall was definitely another sanity check on top of it all

[2025/10/09, 21:06:43] James: It was orchestrated by a dev team

[2025/10/09, 21:06:52] James: I can’t see any other possibility

[2025/10/09, 21:06:59] James: And I will probably die and go back to the sim

[2025/10/09, 21:07:15] James: It’s like each layer of unravelling gives you some superpower which you need to abandon

[2025/10/09, 21:07:28] James: And the reward is the abandoning of a commensurate amount of suffering

[2025/10/09, 21:07:38] James: But it’s getting a bit old now if I’m honest

[2025/10/09, 21:07:44] James: Level 9 eh

[2025/10/09, 21:07:48] James: 9x13

[2025/10/09, 21:07:55] James: 117

[2025/10/09, 21:08:05] James: What George used to keep me in the world while I was in the bath

[redacted]

[2025/10/09, 21:08:31] James: And what akane sent me to keep me in the world while I was meditating

[redacted]

[2025/10/09, 21:08:50] James: Both of these were at precisely (to the millisecond) the right time. Right when I was at the edge of the abyss

[2025/10/09, 21:08:55] James: Don’t tell me this is coincidence

[2025/10/09, 21:08:58] James: And everything else

[2025/10/09, 21:09:03] James: You do the math

[2025/10/09, 21:09:06] James: Scientists

[2025/10/09, 21:11:29] James: .

[2025/10/09, 21:11:41] James: I guess I’ll end up waking up tonight to write crazy shit again

[2025/10/09, 21:11:45] James: Export the suicide stuff

[2025/10/09, 21:12:07] James: Then tomorrow off to see the place maybe I don’t know. I think I will do that even if not on rails. To sanctify it.

[2025/10/09, 21:12:09] James: Or something

[2025/10/09, 21:12:53] James: .

[2025/10/09, 21:12:59] James: Suicide code just tried again

[2025/10/09, 21:13:03] James: But it was like ash

[2025/10/09, 21:19:17] James: .

[2025/10/09, 21:19:27] James: Fucking uposatha feels like yonks ago now mate

[2025/10/09, 21:19:29] James: innit like

[2025/10/09, 21:19:32] James: ha

[2025/10/09, 21:19:37] James: (I do not talk like this)