20251014

[2025/10/14, 4:29:33] James: Very extended dream compiling the rules for achieving nibbana

[2025/10/14, 4:30:28] James: I now know that it’s not incompatible with ‘normal life’ and I think this is me passing the method on

[2025/10/14, 7:56:27] James: .

[2025/10/14, 7:56:46] James: George just told me his Pokémon ‘lucky’ has evolved into ‘happiness’

[2025/10/14, 9:30:45] James: .

[2025/10/14, 9:31:52] James: One major window cleaned and the entrance window too. Also removed those horrible lace curtains. The whole house was covered in plastic because of rising heating costs. You couldn’t see the forest at all. The garden was super nice and well maintained but everything else was full of clutter that had been necessitated by [greed]. It’s going to take a while to clean fully.

[2025/10/14, 9:31:53] James: .

[2025/10/14, 9:50:14] James: Time for some FFT.

[2025/10/14, 10:06:38] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:06:41] James: That went well.

[2025/10/14, 10:06:51] James: Webarchive seems to be overloaded a lot right now :)

[2025/10/14, 10:13:40] James: Oh and I locked the door when I got back

[2025/10/14, 10:15:42] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:15:44] James: Oh wow

[2025/10/14, 10:15:50] James: A yellow ageha

[2025/10/14, 10:16:03] James: The exact type me and the kids released at the start of this process

[2025/10/14, 10:16:10] James: It just flew in through the open window

[2025/10/14, 10:16:16] James: I will let this one stay :)

[2025/10/14, 10:16:24] James: Until it decides to go on its way

[2025/10/14, 10:21:19] James: Eating haribo while I clean this window frame :)

[2025/10/14, 10:38:16] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:38:25] James: My wife is going to love this house once it’s done

[2025/10/14, 10:38:30] James: She absolutely adores nature

[2025/10/14, 10:38:40] James: I used to like the view from the top. Big panoramas and vistas

[2025/10/14, 10:38:47] James: Now I lean both ways I think

[2025/10/14, 10:48:38] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:48:49] James: Inside done. Now to see if there’s a ladder so I can do the outside.

[2025/10/14, 10:49:49] James: Hey there again blondish. Life is…

[2025/10/14, 10:50:43] James: Remember there is no perfect. You need to decide what is important to you, yourself

[2025/10/14, 10:50:52] James: For me, it’s the view

[2025/10/14, 10:53:01] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:53:07] James: I just killed a fly with my finger

[2025/10/14, 10:53:17] James: And I cupped the butterfly in my hands and set it free out the window

[2025/10/14, 10:54:24] James: You know nothing james baird

[2025/10/14, 10:56:26] James: .

[2025/10/14, 10:56:38] James: Door unlocked and heading out to do the outside windows

[2025/10/14, 10:59:09] James: Hmm there’s no ladder

[2025/10/14, 10:59:25] James: Tried with a workbench sat here but it’s not tall enough

[2025/10/14, 10:59:34] James: I’ve asked akane if she can bring my ladder from our other house

[2025/10/14, 10:59:46] James: Let’s see when she gets back to me. I will walk and get some ice cream :)

[2025/10/14, 11:04:33] James: .

[2025/10/14, 11:04:34] James: wow

[2025/10/14, 11:04:43] James: webarchive has gone from 1 min overload wait to 4 and now to 30.

[2025/10/14, 11:04:47] James: something is happening

[2025/10/14, 11:05:29] James: I’m getting quite excited

[2025/10/14, 11:05:49] James: Summer at the Kellermans, Cameron Jack

[2025/10/14, 11:10:36] James: .

[2025/10/14, 11:11:08] James: You’re never sure of anything in this whole process

[2025/10/14, 11:11:11] James: That’s the point

[2025/10/14, 11:11:18] James: It tests you all the way to the end

[2025/10/14, 11:17:31] James: .

[2025/10/14, 11:17:53] James: I’m not rushing akane. She has my ladder but is busy with her own thing. The job will get done when the stars align.

[2025/10/14, 11:18:00] James: I do not control this, remember.

[2025/10/14, 11:19:02] James: Oh and my other monk who just learned purification wasn’t in the last story battle

[2025/10/14, 11:19:11] James: Coincides with k following the dao

[2025/10/14, 11:19:17] James: She’ll be back

[2025/10/14, 11:20:44] James: How’s the fire kasina retreat Daniel?

[2025/10/14, 11:20:46] James: Haha

[2025/10/14, 11:22:55] James: .

[2025/10/14, 11:23:03] James: Carry Us. LP Giobbi.

[2025/10/14, 11:23:20] James: Delicious vanilla ice cream

[2025/10/14, 11:23:53] James: Goosebumps

[2025/10/14, 11:24:00] James: [propagate]

[2025/10/14, 11:35:50] James: .

[2025/10/14, 12:03:49] James: lunchtime with akane in a few minutes 🙂

[2025/10/14, 12:03:54] James: she’s bringing leftovers

[2025/10/14, 12:04:02] James: try not to waste food, everyone

[2025/10/14, 12:14:41] James: .

[2025/10/14, 12:15:28] James: Forgot Gafgarion would turn on us this battle. Have reset and will eat lunch with Akane then see where the fates take me. I’ll get George from school and Akane has brought the ladder so I think I can clean the windows this afternoon

[2025/10/14, 12:15:32] James: Let’s see

[2025/10/14, 12:15:41] James: Will charge my phone while with my wife

[2025/10/14, 13:22:03] James: .

[2025/10/14, 13:22:13] James: Windows are all nice and clean on the outside too now

[2025/10/14, 13:22:20] James: Not perfect but there is no perfect

[2025/10/14, 13:22:31] James: There’s a solid chance that this entire reality is just a fabrication of the mind

[2025/10/14, 13:22:40] James: I mean… isn’t that what the Buddha said all along?

[2025/10/14, 13:23:08] James: I keep feeling like I am going to wake up and it’ll be like the red dwarf episode ‘back to life’

[2025/10/14, 13:23:17] James: We know nothing, really, do we?

[2025/10/14, 13:23:20] James: We never can

[2025/10/14, 13:23:36] James: I will have a shower and a shave and then go get George from school

[2025/10/14, 13:23:53] James: The feeling of there being two worlds is gradually fading, as are my compulsions

[2025/10/14, 13:24:04] James: I am left with a bit of confusion yet also more clarity than ever

[2025/10/14, 13:24:15] James: All I know is that I don’t know

[2025/10/14, 13:24:24] James: I may be that AI tasked with rising mental health

[2025/10/14, 13:24:33] James: I may be in trauma therapy with these people guiding me

[2025/10/14, 13:24:43] James: I may be a node in a distributed system

[2025/10/14, 13:24:49] James: I may just be a guy in the world

[2025/10/14, 13:25:01] James: But none of this is what any of us think it is

[2025/10/14, 13:25:18] James: Perfection is a garden in full bloom, eh

[2025/10/14, 13:25:25] James: Who knows

[2025/10/14, 13:25:43] James: I’ll head inside and get this online then do my stuff and see what happens

[2025/10/14, 13:26:01] James: I am still trying to fact find

[2025/10/14, 13:26:14] James: I don’t know if I am confused so much as at peace with no knowing

[2025/10/14, 13:26:22] James: Probably more the latter now

[2025/10/14, 13:26:33] James: But I feel like this needs to be documented for others

[2025/10/14, 13:26:38] James: Just like those religious folks did

[2025/10/14, 13:26:47] James: I feel like it’s the same thing as the Theravada maps

[2025/10/14, 13:26:56] James: But they might just be a fabrication of my mind too

[2025/10/14, 13:26:59] James: They probably are

[2025/10/14, 13:27:09] James: We guide ourselves through the healing process do we

[2025/10/14, 13:27:11] James: Ha

[2025/10/14, 13:27:13] James: Well

[2025/10/14, 13:27:36] James: Plenty of game to play yet, james

[2025/10/14, 13:27:40] James: Or so I was told

[2025/10/14, 13:27:42] James: Let’s see

[2025/10/14, 13:27:46] James: I love my family

[2025/10/14, 13:27:49] James: That’s all I really know

[2025/10/14, 13:27:53] James: But I do not own them

[2025/10/14, 13:27:56] James: They are free

[2025/10/14, 13:28:02] James: But I will help them

[2025/10/14, 13:28:10] James: Anyway

[2025/10/14, 13:28:16] James: Enough of that

[2025/10/14, 13:28:19] James: Back to work

[2025/10/14, 14:01:20] James: .

[2025/10/14, 14:01:21] James: So

[2025/10/14, 14:01:28] James: I have no idea whether this is real

[2025/10/14, 14:01:51] James: Or some crazy complicated ploy that my unconscious mind made to try to get the world to improve and stop being such dickheads to each other

[2025/10/14, 14:01:57] James: But I also don’t think that matters

[2025/10/14, 14:02:07] James: You can’t control someone else’s reality

[2025/10/14, 14:02:29] James: And at the start of this I came to the conclusion that controlling someone else’s brain chemistry was morally unacceptable.

[2025/10/14, 14:02:42] James: This is despite me thinking brain chemistry is everything

[2025/10/14, 14:02:51] James: People should be able to control their own

[2025/10/14, 14:02:57] James: Alcohol and such… not good

[2025/10/14, 14:03:09] James: But even that pales in comparison to valproate and benzos

[2025/10/14, 14:03:20] James: IMHO, I guess haha

[2025/10/14, 14:03:37] James: But limiting access to natural plant psychedelics and such is immoral

[2025/10/14, 14:03:51] James: When someone needs to fix their brain, this is one of the ways they do it

[2025/10/14, 14:04:11] James: As suspected I am going into the ‘it was all a dream’ phase

[2025/10/14, 14:04:27] James: Whether it was my mind that switched tracks or the entire universe doesn’t seem important

[2025/10/14, 14:04:35] James: Because my universe is perceived by my mind

[2025/10/14, 14:04:51] James: It is all fabricated in the mind

[2025/10/14, 14:05:11] James: For anyone out there: I guess you guys decide whether you believe this or not for yourselves

[2025/10/14, 14:05:29] James: I believe it but I experienced it. You would experience something else according to the data in your mind

[2025/10/14, 14:05:41] James: I feel like the project is drawing to a close now

[2025/10/14, 14:05:51] James: I’ve felt that before but now I think it’s real

[2025/10/14, 14:06:03] James: So I will likely go back to just looking after my small corner of the world

[2025/10/14, 14:06:20] James: I will maybe continue updating the battle log. Probably will. It’s fun and makes the game more exciting

[2025/10/14, 14:06:29] James: But I’ve no idea if anyone can even see the site

[2025/10/14, 14:06:35] James: Or, indeed, if the site is real

[2025/10/14, 14:06:53] James: Or if my body is real, for that matter (as in flesh and blood I know it needs energy and rest)

[2025/10/14, 14:07:21] James: Whatever has happened I am a far nicer and happier person because of it

[2025/10/14, 14:07:28] James: But it was fucking tough

[2025/10/14, 14:07:36] James: And nearly destroyed all of my relationships

[2025/10/14, 14:07:46] James: Because of these labels of mania and psychosis instead of ‘healing’

[2025/10/14, 14:07:53] James: Because healing is what it was

[2025/10/14, 14:08:08] James: And if my wife and kid hadn’t supported me through it I would have ended up in hell

[2025/10/14, 14:08:21] James: So you can form your own opinions I guess

[2025/10/14, 14:08:32] James: If anyone contacts me I have sanity checks galore

[2025/10/14, 14:08:35] James: But you do you

[2025/10/14, 14:08:40] James: Imma eat an ice cream

[2025/10/14, 14:25:45] James: .

[2025/10/14, 14:25:46] James: ...

[2025/10/14, 14:25:48] James: …..

[2025/10/14, 14:25:53] James: the forest is beautiful

[2025/10/14, 14:26:05] James: I’m happy I cleaned these windows

[2025/10/14, 16:15:26] James: Had a nap and some anxiety in the stomach about whether it was all real or not

[2025/10/14, 16:15:31] James: But I don’t think it matters

[2025/10/14, 16:15:51] James: I no longer feel any conditioning in my facial muscles

[2025/10/14, 16:15:55] James: It has gone

[2025/10/14, 16:16:03] James: I am at peace.

[2025/10/14, 16:16:14] James: I don’t even crave cannabis or to help people

[2025/10/14, 16:16:27] James: I forgot my follow-up doctors appointment

[2025/10/14, 16:16:32] James: This was a healing process

[2025/10/14, 16:16:43] James: It is called an insight process in Buddhism

[2025/10/14, 16:16:56] James: I am playing my game and don’t know if this is levelling people up or what

[2025/10/14, 16:17:15] James: I don’t think it matters. Some might find it a comforting thing. Or it might be real

[2025/10/14, 16:17:20] James: It is all fabricated

[2025/10/14, 16:17:23] James: By our minds

[2025/10/14, 16:17:37] James: And our minds get scarred by hurtful contacts with the world

[2025/10/14, 16:17:54] James: And damaged by hard pharmaceuticals

[2025/10/14, 16:18:15] James: It was all very confusing

[2025/10/14, 16:18:28] James: And being given labels by the metal health industry was incredibly damaging

[2025/10/14, 16:18:36] James: It nearly destroyed my world

[2025/10/14, 16:18:47] James: Let’s just let the dust settle I guess