cause

So I think that for me, everything can be traced back to dopamine signalling.

I’m going to use the analogy of a record that skips. Let’s say that your dopamine is the beat, tick tick ticking, but mine skips every now and then.

This has downstream impact on two environments: the hardware and the software. The hardware is your brain structure. Software is juices. Your nervous system and your endocrine system. Your autism and adhd.

So on the hardware side: brain is only receiving small chunks of data. Where others might get a constant stream, I get snapshots. 3 chunks instead of 4. How can the brain grow around this problem; how can the tree navigate the fence?

By growing less ram and more speed, that’s how. And by running single threads to completion before moving to another. Essentially where most people might have a multithreaded GPU with plenty of memory, I have a single-treaded CPU with minimal memory.

Because the CPU is not great for complex tasks like emotion and conversation, it has to be overclocked using noradrenaline, which is one major reason for my repeated burnout, and brings us onto the endocrine system.

Your endocrine system is your juices. Your ‘base emotions’. They are not as precise as your nervous system. The firing of these juices is triggered by dopamine.

So the skipped beat in the endocrine system is like a reset. A ‘blip’ and ‘god where am I’, but so fast that the panic never makes it to your awareness. Multiple times every minute, even.

What this essentially means is you have someone who thinks and speaks very fast but goes on tangents. They’re always keyed up and burning out because of adrenaline, and have issues with strong emotions, impulsivity and insecurity.

All because of dopamine.

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